Gender norms and stereotypes affect rainbow people in different ways. Below we outline a few of the more common stereotypes around gender norms within rainbow identities, but these examples are by no means exhaustive.

• Rainbow women face sexism and misogyny as well as discrimination based on their rainbow identity. For some women, this leads to invisibility, where their peers and healthcare providers assume that they are heterosexual, and ignore their needs and experiences. Other women (e.g. transgender women) tend to be hypervisible – often they are recognised and have their right to privacy eroded in everyday circumstances, leading to high levels of stress and hypervigilance. Hypervisibility can also increase the risk for physical and sexual violence.

• Lesbian women commonly face stereotypes that they are all masculine, that their relationships will follow the same ‘model’ as heterosexual relationships (you might have heard inappropriate questions like ‘who wears the pants?’ before), and that they date women because they aren’t desirable to men or have experienced sexual harm from men.  

• Gendered stereotypes can lead to widespread denial or minimising of domestic violence within rainbow relationships (i.e. the perception that woman against woman violence isn’t as serious as male violence against women). Research indicates that rainbow couples experience domestic violence at similar rates to straight couples, but are less likely to report it.

• Men who date men can feel pressured to present their gender in a way that aligns with traditional gender norms (strong, competitive, and masculine). They are often negatively portrayed as weak, feminine, and passive by comparison. Rainbow men can face stigma and violence if they don’t fit gender stereotypes, or ostracisation within rainbow communities if they do.  In addition, harmful stereotypes of promiscuity and over-sexualisation may leave some people vulnerable to stigma, risky sexual behaviours, and abusive and/or unhealthy relationships.

We noted earlier in this resource that transgender is an umbrella term for anyone whose gender is different from their assigned sex at birth. Transgender people are incredibly diverse, not only in terms of how they identify their gender but how they express and describe it.

Gender Dysphoria

Gender dysphoria (sometimes called ‘gender incongruence’) is the distress associated with the dissonance between someone’s gender or personal sense of self, and their body. Many (but not all) trans people experience gender dysphoria, and the intensity of gender dysphoria can change over time. Some people who experience gender dysphoria describe hating their body. Others describe it as a sense of unease and restlessness that can’t be shaken off, a feeling of being out of place, or an inability to relax. It’s common for someone to say that they know something is wrong, but they can’t put their finger on what it is. On the flip side of gender dysphoria is the happiness and comfort that comes with being gendered correctly or feeling like one’s body fits with their sense of self – some people call this gender euphoria.

Transitioning

Transitioning is the process of moving from being seen as someone’s assumed gender (usually the same as their assigned sex) to their self-identified gender. There is no one way to transition. Transition can include:

• Social transition – using different names and pronouns, changing hairstyles and clothes, as well as binding breasts or wearing breast forms.

• Legal transition – changing legal names and gender markers on legal documents like passports.

• Medical transition – laser hair removal, hormone therapy, and various surgeries such as facial surgeries, top surgery (removing or augmenting breasts), hysterectomy, and bottom surgery (to alter genitals), which can also be called gender reassignment surgery or sex reassignment surgery.

Takatāpui is a traditional Māori term meaning ‘intimate companion of the same sex.’ It has been reclaimed to refer to all Māori of diverse genders, sexualities, and sex characteristics.

Identity and Whakapapa

There are widespread misconceptions that rainbow identities are a ‘Pākehā thing’ or that sex, sexuality, and gender diversity was not part of the Māori world before colonisation. In fact, takatāpui have been always been a valued part of Māori communities, and stories of takatāpui identities and relationships have been told in waiata (songs), whakataukī (proverbs), and pūrākau (stories) for hundreds of years. The use of the word takatāpui inextricably links one’s identity as Māori to their sex, gender, and/or sexuality, and many takatāpui are reassured to hear that they inherited their gender and sexuality from their tūpuna (ancestors).

Discrimination, Support, and Disconnection

Takatāpui may face discrimination based on their rainbow identity, as well as racism and the intergenerational trauma that comes with colonisation. Many takatāpui receive support and love from whānau, but others struggle with rejection from whānau and disconnection from hapū, iwi, and their wider Māori culture. Disconnection can be especially common among urban Māori, many of whom have never had the opportunity to visit their ancestral lands.

Accessing Mental Health Support

Many takatāpui feel pressured to pick one or other part of their identity when accessing mental health support. As mental health professionals, it is key that we understand takatāpui as Māori and as a rainbow person, ask about how their identity as Māori interacts with their rainbow identity, and support those looking for (re)connection with te ao Māori.

Rainbow identities have long been part not only of te ao Māori, but of other Pacific cultures. ‘Pasifika’ is a term often used for New Zealand-born people of Pacific heritage. Pasifika identities are more complex than a single ethnic identity, as Pasifika peoples typically navigate their cultural heritage identity, their identity as a New Zealander, and a diasporic Pasifika identity (this diasporic identity can diverge from ‘traditional’ cultures, e.g. Samoan or Tongan, while still embracing elements of those cultures).

Indigenous Rainbow Identities Across the Pacific

Traditional rainbow identities across the Pacific include Mahu (Hawaii), Vakasalewalewa (Fiji), Palopa (Papua New Guinea), Fa’afafine or Fa’afatama (Samoa, American Samoa), Aka’vaine (Cook Islands), Leiti (Tonga), Fakafifine (Niue) and many more. These often come with particular social roles and responsibilities. Because Western concepts don’t always apply within other cultural contexts, each term is best understood within its own cultural context.

Pasifika Rainbow Identities and Colonisation

Although rainbow identities have always been part of Pacific cultures, colonisation disrupted traditional understandings of sexuality and gender. Because of this, Pasifika rainbow people may face silence and avoidance of their identities within families, churches, and wider communities. Pasifika rainbow people might also feel pressure to navigate their gender and sexual identity according to Western norms which are not compatible with their wider communities or family beliefs.

Accessing Mental Health Support

When supporting Pasifika rainbow people, check in about what terms and pronouns are right for them. Some Pasifika people will use indigenous terms like those noted above, while others might connect with terms like ‘gay’, ‘bisexual’, and ‘transgender’, or use different terms in different contexts. Similar to supporting takatāpui, ask about how clients’ identity as Pasifika intersects with their rainbow identity, and take time to learn about Pasifika identities and cultural worldviews.

Multiple gender attraction is an umbrella term for attraction to people of more than one gender. The most common sexual orientations under this umbrella are bisexuality and pansexuality.

What’s the Difference Between Bisexuality and Pansexuality?

• Some people define bisexuality as attraction to both men and women, and others define bisexuality as attraction to people of more than one gender.

• Pansexuality is typically defined as attraction to people regardless of their gender. For many people, use of the term ‘pansexual’ explicitly acknowledges that there are more than two genders.

Depending on which definitions someone uses, bisexuality and pansexuality can be interchangeable terms or can be very different to one another. Some multiple gender attracted people use both terms to describe themselves, others use one or the other, and others use a different term (e.g. polysexual).

Stereotypes and Misconceptions About Multiple Gender Attraction

Sexual orientation is often misunderstood as binary. Because of this, multiple gender attraction is sometimes viewed as a phase, with others assuming that multiple gender attracted people will eventually be gay or straight but haven’t yet ‘made up their mind’. Other common stereotypes are that multiple gender attracted people are seeking attention, promiscuous, or need to feel a certain ‘amount’ of attraction to people of different genders to truly be attracted to multiple genders. For many people attracted to multiple genders, their current relationship is taken to be indicative of their sexual orientation. For example, a woman in a relationship with a woman might be assumed to be lesbian, even though she is also attracted to people of other genders.  

Multiple Gender Attraction and Mental Health

The mental health disparities experienced by rainbow people tend to be exacerbated among multiple gender attracted people. Researchers attribute this to widespread invisibility, biphobia, and non-acceptance from both gay and straight communities.

Intersex or variations in sex characteristics (VSC) are terms used when someone’s sex characteristics are more diverse than the typical definitions of male and female. Within medical settings, there is a widespread lack of knowledge about how best to support intersex people or people with variations in sex characteristics. One of the most harmful misconceptions is that being intersex is something to be ‘fixed.’ Intersex people (or parents of intersex babies) are still pressured to undergo non-lifesaving medical interventions (e.g. surgeries or hormone therapy) for cosmetic purposes, or in order to make their bodies fit the male/female binary. This sometimes occurs soon after birth, meaning many intersex people have not had the opportunity to consent to medical intervention. Additionally, there is a great deal of silence and secrecy surrounding intersex identities, or having a variation in sex characteristics.

The Role of Mental Health Professionals

Referral to psychosocial support and peer support is essential for many intersex people, or people with variations in sex characteristics, as well as their family/whānau. Intersex people often need space, time, and an empathetic sounding board to consider questions about who they are, what being intersex means for them, and how it impacts on their relationships with others. Intersex people might also want information about intersex communities. These questions might come up at the time they found out they’re intersex, or many years later. Family/whānau members of intersex people may want support working through their feelings of worry or grief for their whānau member, as well as help advocating for them in the healthcare system.

Asexual people do not experience sexual attraction, or interest in and desire for sex.

Asexuality is commonly confused with:

• Celibacy (where someone may experience sexual attraction but choose not to have sex for personal or faith-based reasons);

• being aromantic (not experiencing romantic attraction); and

• being agender (not identifying with any gender).

Many asexual people are in romantic relationships and may identify with terms such as homoromantic, biromantic, and heteroromantic.Some asexual people have sex (as sexual arousal can exist without sexual attraction).

The Spectrum Between Asexuality and Sexuality

Grey asexuality is the grey area between asexuality and sexuality. People along this part of the spectrum might experience sexual attraction on occasion or might feel sexual attraction only after developing a close relationship with someone. They might describe themselves as ‘demisexual’ or ‘grey-ace.’

Pathologisation of Asexuality

Many conditions described in the DSM sound very similar to asexuality (e.g. Male Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder and Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder, which include symptoms like ‘absent interest in sexual activity’). Because of this, asexuality can be pathologized or misunderstood as a disorder. Asexual people are, in fact, excluded from these diagnoses, but still face misconceptions that everyone wants sex, likes sex or will have sex. Asexual people might want to talk about being made to feel abnormal, or about being bullied or pressured by societal norms around sex and sexuality.

In a non-monogamous relationship, the people in the relationship have agreed that it’s okay for one or more of them to have other partners. Non-monogamous relationships are also called polyamorous relationships or open relationships.

There are a few important things to know about non-monogamy:

• Non-monogamy occurs in both rainbow and heterosexual relationships, but unhelpful attitudes towards rainbow and non-monogamous relationships often overlap (e.g. relationships not being taken seriously). This means that non-monogamous rainbow people are doubly exposed to these unhelpful attitudes.

• Different people use different words or labels to describe their relationships (e.g. non-monogamous, polyamorous, open). It’s a good idea to check what the word or label means for your client.

• Non-monogamy is not the same as infidelity. It’s a life choice that aims to be ethical, meaning that all partners involved in relationships consent to the arrangement and are treated respectfully.

• There are some misconceptions that non-monogamous people don’t feel jealousy, or that if someone feels jealous it means non-monogamy isn’t for them. Neither of these things are true – people in any kind of relationship can feel insecurity or jealousy and might want to talk through these feelings in therapy.

• Some people see non-monogamous people as a marginalised group, and others don’t. Either way, it is something that can bring judgement from others, which non-monogamous people may need support within mental health settings.

There are many types of disabilities, including those that affect a person’s vision, movement, thinking, remembering, learning, communicating, hearing, mental health, and social relationships. The social model of disability is based on disability rights and offers an alternative to deficit-based models which think of disabilities as something to be fixed.

For some people identifying as disabled is a key part of who they are, while others may not describe themselves as having a disability. It is essential to check in about what terms a person uses to describe themselves and to use these same terms.

When supporting rainbow people with disabilities, keep these points in mind:

• Not all disabilities are visible, so many rainbow people with disabilities have to come out about their disability, as well as their rainbow identity.

• Some people have more than one disability.

• People with disabilities are often assumed to be disinterested in sex and relationships, or assumed to be straight and cisgender. Because of this, many rainbow people with disabilities don’t get the sexuality education they need or are not asked about sex and relationships by health professionals. Mental health professionals can challenge this by initiating open and respectful conversations about these topics.

• Sometimes, healthcare professionals focus on one of their clients’ identities at the expense of others. For example, focussing on a client’s disability without discussing their sexuality, gender, or ethnicity. Peoples’ sexuality or gender can also be disregarded because of their disability (this is common for people who are both trans and autistic).

• Rainbow groups, events, and spaces may be inaccessible for people with disabilities. On the other hand, disability groups, events, and spaces may not be rainbow friendly. This can limit the supports available to rainbow people with disabilities.

Refugees are those who have fled their country because they are at risk of serious human rights violations and persecution. Asylum seekers have fled their country for the same reason and are seeking international protection but have not yet been recognised as refugees (this process can take 10-12 months). Once an asylum seeker has lodged their claim seeking refugee status, they can access the same public healthcare services as other refugees (including gender-affirming health services).

Rainbow Identities and Human Rights

In many countries, rainbow people are subject to serious human rights abuses. This can include violence from family, community members and government representatives, lack of police protection, severe discrimination, and exclusion from access to basic services and social support. Many rainbow people are forced to leave their home country as a result, in search of safe places to live.

Rainbow Refugees and Asylum Seekers in Aotearoa

Refugees or those seeking asylum are typically traumatised by the persecution they have experienced. Once here, an asylum seeker has to tell their life story to claim refugee status. It is typically retraumatising, often comes with no counselling support, and can include a need to ‘prove’ one’s sexuality or gender. This creates a catch-22 for those who have previously had to hide who they are or may have no equivalent terms in their own language to describe their identity.  For many, arrival here does not mean the end of violence and discrimination; they face racism, xenophobia and prejudice. It is common for rainbow refugees and asylum seekers to avoid their local migrant community or to not disclose their identity. As a result, they are often extremely isolated socially.

Accessing Mental Health Support

When supporting rainbow refugees and asylum seekers, direct them to refugee lawyers as soon as possible for any visa or asylum issues and establish links with rainbow-friendly and knowledgeable interpreters. Take time to understand clients’ specific cultural background and context, seek appropriate supervision, and explore what community organisations they would feel safe approaching for support.